Blogging, simply put, is the defining tool of a new era of journalism, both inside of geekdom and outside it. It puts power in the hands of the underdogs: no matter who you are or what your education is, if you start a decent blog and pimp it hard enough, you’ll get your word out.
It also provides for discussions and social interactions unlike any other media form out there… and that’s why I started blogging. August 2007 was the month I began homeschooling, which did quite a number on my RL social life, obviously. I was determined to meet other people fascinated with Japanese animation and comics, just like me. Needless to say, that experiment worked pretty well: I now have some of the greatest friends in the whole world, and my baby is getting 25,000 pageviews a month with 250+ RSS feed subscribers.
But now I’m walking away. A third-degree existential crisis hit me yesterday, and though most of it was mainly about real life stuff, some of it was about my blogging. To sum it up, I’ve hit the point where blogging isn’t doing anything for me anymore, and it’s conflicting with my RL goals. I really hate to leave this behind, because I don’t want things to change; I don’t want to move on. But it’s happening, and this post goes a bit more into why. It’s a little tl;dr, but I’m explaining it all in hopes that maybe it’ll prove to be inspiring for someone else. I don’t want anyone else to quit aniblogging, obviously, but the emotions and logic in this post are fairly relevant to a lot of things besides blogging.
And in the words of my AP US History teacher, no, this ain’t gonna be a “sit around the campfire and sing kumbaya” post. (Of course, I guess that depends on your definition of one…)
My retirement has been a long time coming. Since October (or even before,) blogging has become a chore to me, to put it bluntly. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch the anime, per se, it was that I had begun not seeing the point of summarizing or reviewing the episode. Before that, I hadn’t blogged as much simply because of a lack of time – volleyball was in full swing, senior year had just started, I’d been taking college classes, and OH YEAH, I had mono. That was fun.
This whole spiral began with a disenchantment with the anime that were premiering at that time, and grew to a general discontentment. I became more and more interested in people and things IRL, and began reading and watching various entertainment sources less. This wasn’t too much of a bad thing, and I knew it was mainly happening because it was my senior year of high school. (For anyone who hasn’t been a senior in high school yet: it will be worse than you think it’s gonna be. Trust me.) Multiple hiatuses occurred, both formal and unannounced, because my priorities had shifted. I didn’t know why, at the time.
The drama over the past few months wasn’t even all that disenchanting; as I said on Twitter, I know I have my allies and my enemies, and that’s that. But as I sat down to blog Durarara!! late on Saturday, I suddenly wondered:
Why does this even matter?
I won’t explain the train of thought that finally put my emotions into words, because really, I don’t think I can. I just suddenly got to thinking about my real life goals, and what blogging’s really about, and how blogging can help me achieve those goals. It hit me pretty bluntly that honestly, it looks like blogging can’t do much else for me.
Don’t get me wrong: Blogging over the years has been absolutely amazing. I have loved making new friends and improving my writing skills, all while feeling like I was kinda “giving back” to fandom. I was homeschooled when I started this blog, and writing here was kinda what kept me sane. I loved it for a long, long time. I loved paneling, I loved conventions, and most of all, I loved the art form that is anime.
But now the entertainment has worn off. I’ve grown up quite a bit. I almost wish I hadn’t.
I’m now trying to pursue a double major in Criminal Justice and Japanese. I want to be an FBI Special Agent or something like that. I have real-world goals now, and real-world friends and values. It’s not that you guys aren’t important, it’s just that I need to step back and really refocus on using my talents to the fullest. I’m at the point where I’ve ended up asking, “Is there a point to blogging, especially if I’m no longer enjoying it?”
There’s a point to blogging, of course, it’s just not right for me anymore. And it’s not even that I don’t love anime anymore; I just love other things more. I want to love writing and the social aspects that come with them, but when I compare those things to the RL things that matter more, I can’t keep spending 5+ hours a week managing a blog.
As I’ve made clear over the past week, I’ve stopped caring about the social aspect of blogging… and that’s turning out to be a good thing. If I’d had this epiphany back in December or so, I probably couldn’t have handled it. But now I’m simply looking at it and wondering, “Wait, why DO I care about what 100-odd quasi-anonymous people think about what I think about Durarara!!‘s fictional characters each week?”
I want the aniblogosphere to thrive. I want it to be full of people that love journalism and anime, and combine those two loves into something useful and beautiful. I just don’t want to be a part of it, anymore, because it’s not in line with my real-life goals and loves. It’s crowding out my other, more useful loves; and while hobbies are good to have,, they’re also supposed to be fun and beneficial to your real-life health, intelligence and relationships. This one’s only helping the third, and it’s pretty minimal, at this point.
I’m rambling, at this point (sorry ^^; ) and I guess I’ll just summarize the changes that are probably going to happen with me and the blog:
Am I deleting the blog? Heck no. xD
Am I leaving the blog to Rakuen? Yes, but not effective immediately. Him and I have talked things over, and I’ll tie up a few things I want fixed (in old posts, etc) before fading into the background. I’ll still be around to fix typos and such, and maybe chip in for a convention post, if I go to any more (see final question.) But for 95% of the posts, I’m done.
Am I leaving because I’m mad/sad/disappointed? I’m disappointed that I’m not having fun anymore, and that this all boils down to the fact that I’m growing up. But other than that, there’s no negative feelings here.
Am I going to stop reading manga and watching anime? Oh, heck no. I’ll probably cut back a fair amount; but despite being fiction, anime and manga are art forms, really, and I can’t just abandon them. Besides, subtitled anime is good for reinforcing the Japanese I’ve learned. <3
Am I leaving Twitter/LJ? Nope. I’ll make my Twitter a lot more RL-oriented, probably, and LJ will probably become that way as well. But I’ll still make fangirly tweets and posts when I discover shiny pretties or an episode of something simply blows me away.
Am I still going to write fanfics/make icons/do cosplay? 90% no to all 3. It seems sudden, yeah, but… Anime is fiction, and for me, making it a huge part of my lifestyle is ridiculous. I might bring out my Rohfa or Ema Skye cosplays one more time, but no more; fanfiction is pointless to me now, and LJ icon-making will only happen if I find extraordinarily shiny pretties. (Which is all too possible. MARIIIIIIIII <3)
Am I going to go to conventions anymore? … This one is harder to answer. I have already committed to doing Anime Blogging panels at Matsuricon this fall, but after that, I’m not sure. I might just go to Ohayocon as a fan and relax a lot more, and not worry about cosplay/panels constantly, especially since Ohayo’s a great place for me to see my friends.
In summary… this hurts. I’m reaching the age where I have to start living more rationally and prioritize more, and even though blogging’s not as fun as it used to be, I’d love to stick with it. It’s an escape of sorts, for me, but it’s an escape that I don’t think I need anymore.
I love you guys a lot. Rakuen, Crisu, Jenni, Dave, Icystorm, and our newest members lvlln and Raphael… Thank you so much for being here for so long. The experiences here have made me a better writer, fan, and administrator, period. I know the things I’ve learned here will help me in the long run, even if it’s not truly worth continuing. No matter what happens to this blog, you guys have all made a difference in fandom and to me.
To all of our readers… Thank you. Thank you so much for supporting me and my project and allowing me to make new friends. Everything here was worth my time for 2+ years; and it’s not anything y’all did or didn’t do that’s making me want to leave. It’s my own conscience. I hope you all will keep reading and supporting our other writers, because they’re talented and passionate about writing and anime, even though it’s time for me to distance myself from those things.
Best wishes,
CJ Blackwing
PS- No, I swear this is not an elaborate pre-April Fool’s joke. It’s not a joke at all. Sorry about the crappy timing, though… XD;
Man, you are making me feel old. I sort of stumbled into blogging as a way to reach out to our J-List customers, and have been doing it ever since. It is a lot of work, and I am constantly looking stuff up and scribbling down little notes on things to blog about. If it weren’t my “job” (and if everyone in the company weren’t depending on me) it’d be harder, but it must be really difficult when it’s not part of your actual work.
Anyway, thanks for the posts, I enjoyed them and you will be missed!
Blogging is a great way to promote a business, and I’m glad it seems to be working well for you guys! ^_^ It is a lot of work, and though I would like to do it just for fun, it’s just… not for me anymore. Good luck with your own blogging endeavors, and thanks for the support~!
Another blogger quitting. Tis makes me sad. It seems around the age of 18/19 anime fans are either into anime for the long run or they become bored. It seems as if there are only two extremes when it comes to this fandom and that makes me sad. But hopefully not blogging will renew your interest in anime. Some people find it much more interesting once there is not the pressure to blog about it. And maybe some time away from blogging will allow you to slowly return one day.
But school is always more important than anime/blogging. I wish you well for the future and people will be waiting for you if you decide to come back one day.
Yeah, it’s a tumultuous age, and I’m not surprised I’m not the only one burning out. Maybe not blogging will change things, but with the direction my life is going, I kinda doubt it. :( Thanks for the warm wishes, and good luck with your own blog!
Oh crud..at first I thought it was something about aniblogging and all but..as I read on, it started to get seriously serious so let me get to the point.
CJ, this has been an awesome blog. I first stumbled upon it when I recently found out about JAM Project doing a Motteke! Sailor Fuku version in Lucky Star Remix002. After that, I lurked around a bit and found it interesting, which later inspired me to make one as a dump for my unorganized thoughts. So for that, I thank you.
And yes, I know how life weighs you down during the senior years..since I’m currently ending mine as well..and there’s just one too many things in real life that needs to be focused on in this state, and so little time to do so too. T^^T
Anyways CJ, I salute you for having made a choice. To have a solid goal for the future is something to be envied, mind. So yeah, I wish you the best in your endeavors. :3
Ah, you stumbled upon one of Crisu’s posts ^___^ It has truly been great working with him and everyone else, and I’ll still be here in case of a quasi-emergency or if they really need my input for a post or something. ^_^; Not enough hours in the day, I know; that’s part of why I’m having to cut things to make RL stuff work. Siiiigh. D:
Thanks for the warm wishes, Marx-kun, and good luck with your blog! :3
A regular senior’s day usually has less than an hour to spare, save from a regular 8 hour sleep (which probably doesn’t exist in our dictionaries anymore), and then there’s more sleep-deprivation when university crosses into your life. T^^T But don’t worry, it’ll work out somewhere in the end and all of the stuff you need to get sorted out gets..well..sorted out. xDD
Lawl, no problem. I’ve had (and is still having) my share of the weight life puts on.. Plus I still have a wide view in front of me on regards to where I want to propel my life into while you have yours, which takes quite the decision-making to actually do, so I’m pretty much rooting for the people who actually make those types of decisions (a type which I rarely see around nowadays o__O)
That’s pretty much the truth of my days, now that I work 4 days a week, plus my volunteer stuff ._. Luckily I’m not a very sleep-needy person, but I’ve been getting sick so much in the past few months that that’s kinda changed…
But yeah, I get by each day knowing that things will all work out, even if my goals are pretty… out there. ^_^; I’m sure you’ll narrow your own goals down soon enough, but remember, there is such thing as being too narrow-minded about goals. I kinda learned that the hard way early in high school -_- So good luck~!
It won’t be the same without you here. But, I’ll do my best to keep this blog going for the foreseeable future. Duct tape and prayers have worked thus far. :P
Duct tape and prayers indeed. ^___^
I definitely wish you the best of luck, and I can empathize. To be pompous (and self-centered), I too felt the inanity of being so… obsessed with anime, and I didn’t focus on what was going on around me. It’s heartening for me to see someone else go through this change, and I hope it’s cathartic for you to be able to “give up” on blogging.
That being said, if you gave up totally, I’d be quite disappointed. Good luck with the future!
:) So it’s not just me! Hehe, thanks for the warm wishes… And never fear, I’ll probably pop back for a 12 Days of Christmas post or something.
CJ, best wishes. In the end you have to do the thing that makes you happy. If you’re not feeling it, it just isn’t fair to you to continue. It sounds like you have a great plan for the future, so I hope you get everything you want out of it.
Thanks for the warm wishes ^_^ Even if things don’t quite go according to plan, they’ll work out fine, I think. Maybe. 8D;